Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Song of the Moment - Walk Like an Egyption - Punk Version

It's Joe Queer and the Nobodys.  Nice.  You've got to click on the link and have a listen.  They take the Bangles' version and mumble and hype it up a bit.  "It''s got a good beat and it's easy to dance to." - Dance Party USA.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Old News for Old Man: Axe Cop

Exactly one year ago, on an eerie night such as this one, a wise old man was sitting at a computer, browsing the interwebs.  He explored the nastiness of internet porn, then moved to the random button in Wikipedia, and after becoming bored, discovered the holy grail of brilliance on the web: Axe Cop.
(I grabbed this image from GeekDad on

Of course, I find out about it a year late.  Written by a six-year-old and illustrated by his thirty-year-old brother, it's been going strong for a year, just went viral, and print editions are coming out in March from Dark Horse Comics. (I think I saw an ad in Previews.)  You must check out Axe Cop.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Survival Tip #27 - Batman Seasons

So there you are, innocently enjoying a faded-out rerun of the perennial 1960's “Batman” TV show, when terror grips your heart and you realize you can't figure out if you are watching an episode from season one, two or three.

Well have no fear. By keeping in mind a few easy, telltale signs you will be able to identify the season handily and safeguard your geek cred.

Season 1 indicator: The onomatopoeic words ("zap" "crack" "boff") are superimposed over the action scenes.

Season 2 indicator: The onomatopoeic words are now cut in between scenes on brightly colored backgrounds, due to the high cost of the superimposition process that was used during the first season. (Yes, really. We've come a long way, baby.)

Season 3 indicator: The addition of Batgirl (Commissioner Gordon's daughter, Barbara). In my opinion, the producers fell victim to one of the classic blunders here. Sure, Yvonne Craig looked way hotter in Batgarb than Adam West and Burt Ward, but I always felt that the addition of her character undermined the gravitas of the show.

See, it's really quite simple. You can thank me later.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Tobias Funke - Analyst / Therapist

For you fans of the TV show, Arrested Development, you've got to appreciate this... I found this at a thrift store in Upland, CA. It's probably still there, hidden away with the other gray sweatshirts. I would have bought it, but it was too small and I'm guessing that it might not go over too well at work, or at the mall, or around people.

Monday, January 17, 2011

New Slang - Predictions for Upcoming Street Wordage

Dastard Quarterly maintains a proud tradition of keeping our reader(s) apprised of the ebbs and flows of aristocratic society as well as current trends in popular culture. In keeping you informed, I present you with our picks for Upcoming Slang*.
Pure - From some annoying-ass car advertisement that mentions "pure price," it seems like it must be a change in word usage, to mean something good. So, I guess it means "good."

Caps-Lock - This one is a Dastard Quarterly exclusive (as far as I know). I heard through my standard geek channels that Google is removing the "Caps Lock" key from future keyboards. So it stands to mean that Caps-Lock will come to mean "out of date or archaic." I hope this doesn't become my big claim to fame. I would feel like such a jack-tard.

Clinical - I don't know... Advertising gets into a groove and really uses some great words over and over. The repetition of "clinical strength," started to piss me off. What does that mean? Strong enough to use in a lab or something? Okay, fine. Clinical must mean "strong."

Turbo - More advertising crap. Turbo just means "really, really fast."

Jack-tard - I hear the word retard and retarded so often that it's gotten into my head. It's a little offensive and all, but if you hear something enough, you'll start saying it. I try not to, so I modified it a bit and now tend to see so many jack-tards out in traffic. Jack-tard can be another word for "jackass."

Pro-tard - If the word retard means backwards or even slow, pro-tard must mean "advanced."

*Disclaimer: Please do not use any of these words in public or on TV. We don't want you looking like an unpure jack-tard.